January 2012
Anonymous asked: What's your New Year's Resolution O_______o
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December 2011
Tonight, I will be spending my New Year’s Eve watching Anderson Cooper & Kathy Griffin fuck around on CNN with my brother after a Game of Thrones marathon. We have yet to decide if alcohol will be involved, but cookies and lusting after the men of Game of Thrones will definitely happen.
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Next time I make red velvet cupcakes/cake, I’m just going to lie to everyone and say that I used my own menstrual blood for the red food coloring, and then I can have all the cupcakes/cake for myself.
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I ate all of the potato chips in the house. And the wheat thins. And the cookies. And the fruit. And the trader joe’s veggie sticks.
All we have left is canned cranberries, which I don’t eat.
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Today I discovered that I have officially graduated college!
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mom: you think these actors have nice hair and fashion now but in 20 years you will look back at these photos and be like-
me: look children it's your father
mom: what
me: what
I wonder when the judges on Chopped are going to catch on that whenever the contestants don’t know what to do with an ingredient, they put it in a salad.
Okay no.
alcoholicgifts:
toulouselastartrek:
acheleisfuckingrightnow:
Why do people hate Glee? Just give it a chance, it’ll teach you really good lessons about everything. It’ll help you with problems in your life. If you don’t like it, then fine. Just don’t say anything at all. Simple as that. There’s a fine line between expressing your opinion and shoving your opinion down peoples’ throats and/or...
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Mom: Kristin, why are gay boys attracted to you?
Me: They're not attracted to me. They're gay. I have a vulva.
Mom: Well then how come straight boys never hang around you but gay boys do?
Me: I have more straight male friends than gay male friends. What are you trying to say?
Mom: Stop attracting gay boys and get married so you can move out of the house and give me some grandchildren.
Me: Go back to bed, Mom.
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Best pick-up line ever.
“Let’s go eat, I’m paying.”
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alcoholicgifts:
wheelchair-barbie:
suchaladybutimdancinlikeahoe:
i’m really mad at my body for having stretch marks
body why do you hate me
but no one knows what it feels like to have stretchmarks on your shoulders.
besides me.
I have them on my ass.
my ass is not even big tho
I have them all over my ass & thighs and I’m built like a fucking stick figure. Why are they...
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